A Letter

Dear God,


Why can't I know my life's plan ahead of time? I mean honestly, it would be sooo much easier to know what I'm supposed to be, where I'm supposed to be, and why I'm doing it. 


But I suppose that would mean I would be less, reliant on you, and more reliant on myself.. 


Oh.

....Recap: May 2011

May 2011 

First off, would someone PLEASE tell time to slow down just a little? Blink and half a year is almost come and gone. I wanted this year to be one of personal growth, and I think I'm definitely getting a work out to be sure. 


I learned I could try harder, I learned that sometimes MY best isn't good enough, I've learned that some decisions need to be thought through a little more throughly before they are made. 


This month, my third semester at PSTCC ended badly. Something I haven't yet revealed to my parents; I'm already pretty disappointed in myself, and I can't handle anyone else being disappointed in me as well. Yes I had some adversities this semester, but I have every semester since I started. Either I've got to put up, or shut up. and I'm not ready to "shut up" just yet. 


Change majors? Perhaps. I'm toying around with going back and finishing up what I started in the web design field, but haven't decided just yet. 


This month, I learned patience. 
This month I learned, that no matter how much I stressed and worried over a situation it ultimately wouldn't change the out come. Especially since it was out of my control.
This month, I learned that stressful situations are so much easier to handle, if you just cross bridges when you get there. 
This month I learned, I really really really really really really dislike calling and forcing people to do their jobs. 
This month I learned God's grace is sufficient. 


This month, I sent out my resume's looking for part time work and found it. (Score!) 


This month I was able to get 20 hours of over time in..which is really good considering my job position. (Double Score!) 


And lastly, this month I became a new car owner.  (Triple Score!) 


Next Month I hope too: 

• Exercise More  (Family Quit snickering!) 
• Eat more Vegetables 
• Drink More Water and less Soda 
• Get my Teeth looked at/fixed (yiikes) 
• Get all three dogs out of the house once a week. (Think 2- 2year olds and a 10 year old. Craziness) 

June's "Splurges: 

• New Shoes!  $60.00 of awesomeness.  

Alright. I'm done.

A Small Miracle

That's what I'm hoping to happen over the next couple of days. Either my advisor will be able to "magically"  squeeze me into a class or two, without having the "demanded" transcript, or said transcript will be in their mailbox nice and early tomorrow morning. 


Otherwise I'll be resigning myself to spending a semester saving as much money as possible. It sounded like a great idea when I first thought about it last year..but now, now that I'm actually faced with the possibility of not going, and having to amuse myself through other means for...three-four months while the rest of my peer group slaves away....now it just doesn't sound like much fun...


I'm a little over having nothing to do at the moment. 


Have I mentioned that I did get my FA money. 


Yeah well I did. 


I'm excited about having it, but it took so long it was just: "Its about time you got here!"


Ya know what I'm sayin?


I thought you did.


Well I've got to go now. I hope everyone has an awesome week. 


I've got some praying to do. 


Smile.

One Word...

One word to describe the year Two Thousand and Ten.

Stress.

I think I knew from the first day of January, this year had the potential to be a "toughie." Over the last...shall we say, 21 years, I've learned to trust my gut feelings about some things, and I just KNEW something was not right.
I'd had such high hopes for this year too. I made the difficult decision to quit my second job, in order to relieve some of the drama and stress in my life, as well as go back to school full-time, starting a new major.

However, quitting that job was not an easy task. My boss was very difficult to work with, and she had me doing two people's job at once...getting all that work delegated to other people was a chore. A big chore. Add a brand new 9 week old puppy, that I'd volunteered to raise for the Guide Dog Foundation. Yes, I'd planned on getting another puppy, but.... I didn't plan on it coming a week after I'd hinted about wanting another pup.

Then top that with a $5,000 tuition bill from the school, since I hadn't lived "in-state" for two years. Oh! And lets not forget the teacher who was determined to make my life as difficult as possible while we're at it.

Is anyone depressed now?

Life really didn't get much better, as the year progressed.. I was paying out much more than I was bringing in, the school's financial aid system was sending me through the ringer, and the billing center at the college, kept harassing me, about payments that I could.not.afford...to the point I was about to break down.

Summer saw me fostering a "demon dog" determined to make my life and my dogs lives miserable. Which she succeeded in doing. My roommate even moved out during this time, and left me to deal with her by myself. She didn't do it on purpose I know, but explain that too my sleep, and stressed out brain. We finally found her a home, and life started looking up............

The Fall semester started ok, but progressively got worst, as once again the financial aid office, dropped the money noose around my neck by only paying $350 towards my school. Thanks guys! That'll cover...one book...maybe two.

And we'll not mention the near loss of my driver's license, $200 in court fees, drama, not to mention the invasion of some annoying, extremely hard to get rid of pest in my home, that nearly sent me over the edge.

Some how, I'm still alive through it all. Thank you God.

However, words cannot describe the feelings I get when thinking about December 31, 2010.

I can only get better from here..right?

So my word for 2011 is simple:

Puppies. 
I picked that word, because that's the only "sure" thing, besides the fact that God is in control here, that I know about next year, I refuse to dwell on all the uncertainties that will carry over from 2010.

~ Erin 

Join in with many others at Reverb10, and get daily prompts throughout the month of December!  

This Week

This week has the potential to be a very. very. stressful week. But only if I let it. So I'm determined to live in the MOMENT and not 24 hours ahead, as I'm apt to do; and take things as they come. If I can knock things out of the way "sooner" then I'm can, but I'm sick of worrying about things I have no control over.

Just a little history:

You remember how I thought my troubles with the Finacial Aid department were over with!? Well they aren't! I just checked my FA Status and found out that I only got $700 for Fall 2010 and Spring 2011 semesters.

This means that I only get $350 for this semester.
This also means I still have $1,200 to pay out of pocket.
This also means that I'm not the happiest person ever.

Apparently since I'm still "technically" under my parents household (due to living in a home provided by them rent free) my income + their income = I should be able to contribute greatly to my school.

Guess what!? I already have! *sticks out toungue*

Anywho you all know I quit my second job in January drastically reducing my income, however FA goes off your Tax Return from LAST year, and so there wasn't any real way of noting how much I actually make. NOW.

There is one thing I can do, and so I'm going to try and do that this week, and see if that makes a difference.

If not...........

You know what? I'm not going to think about that right now.

Part of my "Worry Free" diet for this week.

Happy Thoughts: ..............................................I'll come up with something......................

   

Sunday

Typical Sunday. Church, Lunch, Quality Dog and Mom time, Nap, more church then end. I don't normally post too much on my blog about my "religion" in that sense, as I've said before, its real easy to be someone I'm not online, so I prefer to let my light shine to those around me, in my day to day life. But I want to remember this verse so I'm posting it up here: 


2 Peter 1:10 KJV
Wherefore the rather brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure, for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall. 


This encouraged me so very much today. Knowing that as long as I am consistent with my relationship with Him, I don't have to worry about "accidently" sinning, or slipping up and doing something that is displeasing to God. Anyway. 


Looks like this week God and I will have a lot to talk about! eep. 

Questions...

Its Monday, so i'm going to blame that on my feelings right now.
I'm in my third year of college, and am no closer to graduating then when i started in 2006.
Did you know I am on my third "major"???
Though I guess technically my first set of classes was never really a major and I could have graduated with a certificate at the very least, but I Pulp and Paper production, was the boringest subject EVER. My mom forced me into that one.

Then 4 semesters of web design classes...
And now starting my Photography Major.

Sometimes I wonder if I can actually do it, make grades good enough to pass all of my classes. I wonder if I'll actually improve enough for my teachers to like my work. Will I learn to be motivated enough.......

Happy Easter!

The weekend is coming to a close, and in a little bit I'll be heading back to church for the evening service. Its been an interesting one, as C's boyfriend came in for the weekend, they'd stay out late then she'd stay up later with me talking through different things. Hey I want to have as much information about this "dating game" before its my turn. :))

Its funny how similar we are.

I've thought a lot about what Easter means to me, not the holiday perse but the price Jesus paid for me. While I don't normally talk about God on my blog much....(I feel its easy to say things and not be doing them, and I don't want to ever be caught in that position) as an online diary I do kind of want to see where I was at this point in my life spiritually.

I was 15 when I decided that living for God was the way to go. I'd been raised in church all my life, but as that really had a small amount of influence on my mind. I can remember a young age thinking of what I was going to do when I turned 18. *Sigh*

Anyway as you know growing up in a Christian home does NOT make you a Christian...and there are a LOT OF things I regret doing. Maybe I never drank alcohol or smoked, did drugs etc.etc.. but somethings are going to haunt me for a long long time.

15 was significant because it was the year, when God really let me see why I needed him. When you're young,have two parents in the home and never a real need for anything.... God is not someone you really see a big need for if you know what I mean. I knew I was supposed to want to live for God but that was about it.

I spent most of that year trying to figure out what I was doing on this earth, I can remember waking up dreading another day of life. I was really just existing there was no purpose, I mean what was the use if I was going to die eventually? Thankfully it never went too the point of me thinking about taking my life, but the feeling of emptiness was so overwhelming at points, I just want to go to sleep so I didn't have to face life. I kind of wish I could ask my parents what their take on me was back then, though I really wasn't communicating with them civilly.much.

Ugh teenagers.

I really wanted to change, I did not like the person I was becoming and It was at this point, where I realized changing wasn't something that I could do alone. I remember the night I repented of my sins, it was such an awesome feeling to get up and know all those sins were GONE!

And to have the power to not have to sin is indescribable. I can be the person that not only do I want to be, but the one God wants me to be. I can be an honest, trustworthy, caring, person.
My bosses do not know how lucky they are to not see who i was. I don't have to lie, or cheat or steal or have hatred towards other people.

All because Jesus died, and rose again so I could have this new life.

Its been 5 years, yes I've had many many tests and trials where the devil wanted me to go back to sin, but ONLY through God have I been able to resist. Isn't God awesome? 

And that is the reason that this is a Happy Easter for me.

...But I'm trying to get that $4,000 charge off my account

Wow these titles are starting to get ridiculously long, but anyway...

So it’s Monday. Right?

I'm a complete bundle of nerves due to at least three situations that were being held in the balances as I waited for someone Else's decisions on them. I can barely remember what day it is, and I'm trying to adjust to having a new supervisor at my job.



For some reason I woke up at 7am, and didn't even try to crawl back in bed. (Cause I transferred myself, pillow, blanket and dogs to the couch) I should have than realized this day was starting off with an odd quality too it. But it didn't even cross my mind, as I got myself and the dogs ready for another work day. 

On the way to work I get a call it was my school's number so I hurried to grab it, and keep the car going in the right direction. But by the time I grabbed it, the person had already reached voice mail. 

It was the director of disabilities at PSTCC, and they wanted to know what student I was working my dogs with, and if I could get in contact with them etc...etc...

?!? 

Uh, no...I attempted to call her back right away, but once again got a voice-mail. Grrrr. I gave up and decided I would look up her email address when I got to work, and email her. I sent a long detailed explanation of what I do, and why I was contacting their office. 

(Basically I was just letting them know I was going to be on their campus on a regular basis, and wondered if they minded contacting my teachers, as that's what they did at AB-TECH. I was asking to bring the dog, since TN has this lovely law, which gives us puppy raiser the same access as fully trained guides.)

 Once again I was sent an email asking which student I was working with.....and to which law was I referring too? So I once again plainly stated what it was I was doing, provided the links and that they wanted.

Welll.....They haven't ever worked with a student that had a service dog, and didn't have a disability? But she said she'd forward it to their ADA and Security Guard People. 


Haven't heard from them since.

After work, I decided to get some shopping therapy in, before I had to run home, and get ready for choir practice.So I'm browsing through J.C. Penny's clearance stuff, when I get a call from my mother reminding me to pay for my classes, as the deadline was that day. I had until 6:30PM to get that done...it was about 4 pm at that time, so I hurried a little bit more, bought six shirts, and headed home.

The dogs needed exercise, so before I checked my class balances, I ran them for about 30 minutes, reveling in the fact, that we could be out there without getting frostbite.

When I finally sat down and went to confirm my attendance(aka pay for my classes)...I was in for a shock.Apparently I was classified as an out of state student, and there were some fees as a result of that. Something to the tune of $4k+ (btw WHY do they use a k to represent a thousand!?)

 

Plus the $1,000k of other fees.

Mega Panic Session, calls to my mom, the Cashiers Office, Records office, back to my parents...Apparently since I hadn't lived in TN for two consecutive years, I didn't qualify as an in state student. BUT I could prove my residency if my parents had claimed me as a dependent on their taxes. And I could get it to them by Tuesday, and still be able to confirm my attendance.

More phone conversations.

Nope. They sure enough hadn’t….

"Well we can set you up with a payment plan; you can pay half now, and two more payments later."

!?!?!?

By this time, we had other things to attend to, and since we were given a little more leeway to think things through. I got up and went about my evening. 

I can’t really say that I was stressed or even worried really. I know God is in control, and I know the steps he’s lead me to take up until this point. I was confident that he was going to make a way. Because that’s his specialty ya know!? But the thing was, I knew we had to take some action as well…but where what was the right one!?

Tuesday morning, I got up early, and got back on the phone with the school. Between my mother and I , we were able to get find out that one of the ladies, that was so helpful to my mom last year, was at the Magnolia Campus. So we both jumped into our respective vehicles and headed to that campus. My mom made it before I did. (Hey had to feed the baby lunch, and get the other dogs potty’ed before I could leave), and was able to get into the ladies office JUST before a line started forming down the hallway. (A God thing for sure. Anyone want to argue?)

Anyway when Pompei and I arrived, they’d already come up with a plan, to prove my residency. Since I’d filed my taxes to a TN address that would be enough to prove I’d been here. *wooooooshhh* Huge sigh of relief. I could pay the other fee, until FA came through, with the O.O.S. fee gone.

We kind of dazedly followed our “angel” out of her office, as she took Pompei to see some of her co-workers. Then I tore home to get that information, gave it to my mom, who was than took it out to the main campus and give it directly to the Records person. (Hey I had to work or i would have done it)

Three hours later, that deed was done, and the fees taken off my account. And as of today I have confirmed my attendance and am several hundreds of dollars poorer. (Good-bye Pontiac Vibe *sniff*)

Woooooooooooooooooot!!!

And it gets better!

Today I received a lovely email from the ADA office, stating that Pompei would indeed be allowed in the campus as the law states, and I just needed to bring my “credentials” and a list of my instructors and they would let everyone involved know that there would a dog in their class. 

Wow! 

It feels silly to be stunned when you asked God to do something and he does, but indeed I am.

One of THOSE Days

Granted now that I write that down as a title, I can't really say it was a "BAD" day, in fact it really went unusually well. I got up early 8:30AM (gasp), exercised the dogs for about 20 minutes before giving them breakfast, getting myself dressed (in matching apparel I should clarify) ate breakfast (gasp) and being was fully prepared to leave when the time came.

Work was...work, <--Titus is starting to "See the light" that and the fact that I've changed up my training regiment with him, his behaviors are starting to shape up. Yay!

I tried to wait for the Bouvier puppies but alas they were long past my "get-off-time" I'll see them sometime I'm sure. :-)

Gideon and I ran through Wally World, picked up a Pizza and came home....where I WAS surprised how perky I was feeling until a few minutes and it all came crashing down on me. *phoozle*

"So why did I title it one of THOSE days?"

Well I can't really explain it in a logical way, but I don't feel personally I was at my best; Maybe I should have worded something differently, or just kept my mouth shut about other things. Nothing sinful at all, but just humanly I still have areas I need to grow in!

Just enough to put a damper on my evening.

Oh well, live and learn; just gotta put these events in my memory bank & before God so I won't do them again.

But all in all? It was a good day.

:-)

Erin
(I really need to create myself a siggy or something :)

October 2nd

From October -31

Ordinary Friday....work, with a little bit of pain to remind me I'm human, and just how precious our health is. Its something I refuse to fail to thank God for each and everyday. Pain does make it hard to properly exercise the dogs, but thanks to that^^ little invention..all I have to do is move my arm to let the ball fly, and the dogs exercise themselves.

Our excitment of the evening was finding a mouse in the garbage can. Alive.

 I'd trapped one, but was unhappy to find still more mouse droppings...so I've eliminated all food sources from my cabinets..dog food is in plastic containers, garbage is now in a lidded can. I decided to put the old can in just to see if mouse #2 would fall in, and die. Success...partially....

Bubbles alerted me to some.....rodent activity yesterday, but I was too chicken to check deep into it...though the container did feel oddly weighted...

My sister came over to try and steal some of my food, and I almost conned her into lifting up some of the paper towels I thrown in there, to see if there was anything under there. Unfortunately she was too smart and just peek in the can...so i got to be the one who grabbed the can and saw the mouse peek his nose out.

We both screamed of course and place the can back on the floor. After jiggling it around I decided it was dead, and moved it outside.

But when I went outside to move the can away from the house....mousey was sitting on the towels looking at me. I probably woke a couple of my neighbors, but they are probably too drunk/high to notice.

Being the nice person I am, I took Mousey up the hill and dumped him into the woods....and fled the premisis. Tomorrow I'll probably spend my evening cleaning  my cabinents of mouse droppings.

PUKE.

101 in 1001

I've seen many bloggers do this, and have decided to tackle one myself. It was hard at first, but as you can see I kind of went over board.

See more lists here:
http://dayzeroproject.com/?view=masterlist

Started: June 15, 2009
Finished: March 10, 2012

Alright so I have until March 2012 to complete this...if my calculations are correct....can I do it??

Bold = In Progress & Strikethrough
= Completed

(31/1001)

God
1. Study Bible More
2. Move Out
{January 2009}
3. Fast more often!!!
4. Spend more time in Prayer
5. Witness More

Health

6. Drink Water Daily (0/21)

7. Eat Breakfast on a regular basis (8/21)

8. Go to bed earlier on a consistent basis 11PM (0/21)

9. Limit Computer time too 3-4 hours for 1 week.
10. {Start good habits} (0/21)
11. Achieve desired Weight Healthily!
12. Make Smoothies for Breakfast regularly
6/18 - 7/15-7/17- 7/20
13. Eat more vegetables

14. Keep up current Morning Routine (21/21)

15. Wake up early for 1 week
{Sometimes life forces you to do things like get up when you don't want too}
16. Try Bayer Crystals DTOM
{Don't know how well I like it...}

Work
17. Respond to Emails faster
{Sort of forced into this one by my boss, so I now am pretty much an immediate responder!}
18. Make puppy classes more interesting {My last class was Sept. 1st, a very sad one as that was the last time we'd have group classes.}
19. Strive to be the BEST employee EVER
20. Become a better Dog Trainer
21. Find 2nd Job
{University of Tennessee Police Department - Web Master}

Dogs
22. Go Hiking with dogs

23. Get in touch with Midnight’s Family {I sent a very heartfelt note, to them in Aug 2009}

24. Walk dogs daily (70/365)
25. Train ALL dogs daily (70/365)
26. Get Dog Whisperer DVDs
27. Socialize dachshunds regularly
{Live right beside a Church, and get them out at least 2-3 times a week}
28. Find Kennel/Sitter for Bubbles and Texas
{Most likely will use PetSafe Village or Asheville Hwy Vet}
29. Take a SDIT to the Zoo
30. Bathe Dogs once a month (4/12)
31. Get Bubbles and Texas Vaccinated
{August 29, 2009}
32. Find Vet here in K’ville
{Asheville Hwy Vet Clinic _ LOVE their facilities}
33. Create Slideshow for Midnight
34. Groom Dogs once a week (0/52)

Family
35. Learn Pilates with Sister
36. Be a better Sister
37. Learn to share
38. Email Grandparents once a month (2/12)
39. Visit with Family more often
40. Hang out with Autumn {Took her to the park}


Friends
41. Purchase/Rent House with Christina and Rebekah
42. Hang out with friends once a week (8/52)
43. Keep up with out-of-town friends
44. Do something special for them local friends

Finances
45. Save $200 a month (4/12)

46. Budget and stick too it!!!!(6/6) {I have done extremely well with my budget, and its working great!}

47. Use Debit card for Gas/Online Purchases only

48. Get Checks
49. Buy new car
50. Get a new Cell phone
{VX6800 Smart Phone!} {HTC Hero from Sprint}

51. Buy new memory card

52. Buy more clothes
{Before Camp meeting went a shopping spree of sorts}

53. Buy Patio Furniture
54. Buy a Blender

55. Buy Pet Vacuum

56. Buy more summer skirts{bought 3 more skirts!}

57. Buy another BIG purse

58. Buy Birthday/Mother/Father/Christmas Day Gifts

59. Buy Meaningful souvenir from Vaca’s

{Bought, Keychains, and a T-Shirt, and Purse}
60. Buy External Hard Drive
{500GB $120}


School
61. Start School @ Pellissippi State (Spring 2009) #FAIL - Fall 2009
62. Make A’s and B’s in school (Spring 2009)


Hobbies
63. Use my camera daily for a Month(25/31)
64. Crochet scarf of hat for self/someone else
65. Scrapbook Weekly and post to Forum (1/12)
66. Buy another Camera Lens
67. Get Light Umbrellas or external Flash for Camera
68. Print Scrapbook pages
69. Print more photographs/ Display in House

House/Car

70. Keep Car neat and clean at all times

71. Get rid of green couch in Living Room
72. Replace Bedding Ensemble
73. Add another lamp & Shelves

74. Buy Curtains for Bedroom

75. But Photos/Scrapbook Pages Framed on Wall (Bedroom)

76. Buy under bed storage baskets

77. Get rid of extra crates buy one big wire crate for dachshunds

78. Buy Matching Dog beds

79. Organize Closet

80. Paint Kitchen & Door
81. Deep clean house weekly (10/52)
82. Remove Carpet in Living Room
83. Setup Garbage Pickup
84. Keep outside of house picked up and clean looking

Random
85. Go to Florida / DISNEY WORLD (June 2009)

86. Practice the Piano Daily (0/14)
87. Blog Once a week ALL BLOGS (1/12)
88. Subscribe to Magazine
89. Procrastinate Less
90. Travel more
91. Be more disciplined in EVERYTHING!
92. Be more patience
93. Be less sarcastic/Be Slow to Speak
94. Visit the Beach Summer 2009
95. Recycle Often
96. Be 10 minutes early for two weeks (0/14)

Volunteer
97. Raise another Guide Dog Puppy
98. Volunteer to help someone without being asked.


Fun
99. Go to a play
Shakesphere in the Park July 17th, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

100. Visit Asheville NC once every two months
101. Go to Dollywood

About Me

Who Am I?

I am 20

I am a college student

I am an aspiring photographer

I am the oldest of six

I am a home body

I am sarcastic

I am becoming more out going

I am A.D.D.

I am Random

I am a dog lover

I am Mom to two Dachshunds

I am a volunteer puppy raiser for the Guide Dog Foundation

I am a book worm

I am a sleep lover

I am a morning hater

I am addicted to Dr. Pepper

I love God

I just happen to love my my life

..most of the time anyway