- Monday October 11, 2010
Life is a series of adjustments.
And most of the time I hate having to adjust.
Its the before God, Honest, Truth.
I don't like big changes.
Hence why it took me two years to move to TN.
I couldn't comprehend laying aside all my plans and diving off a cliff into the unknown.
God had to straighten me out on that one.
However I have found that I'm sort of a control freak.
I hate it when things don't the way I've carefully planned them to go.
As in go into slight panic attack, shortness of breath, tightening of chest sort of "hate".
After the first six months of this year, I'd thought I'd gotten past this stage. If you haven't notice, this has been a, less than ideal year for me, I hate complaining or even mentioning anything about it, because I know there are those going through MUCH WORSE then being broke. At least I have a job to keep the money coming in (as it goes out the back door). But that doesn't mean its any less serious.
Without any money that meant a LOT of what I had planned for this year, in regards to trips, and just life things such as school etc.. had to go by the wayside. I had to change a LOT of what I had in mind for this year.
So one would think I'd be used to it by now.
I'm not.
So I had this plan, Pompei (the yellow lab/golden pup I'm training to be a future guide dog aka seeing eye dog) was to stay with me for about a year. I raise and train him during that time, and then send him back to the Guide Dog Foundation for the Blind, so he can continue his journey to becoming someone's eyes. I found out around May that my group leader was housing a German Shepherd that was to be used as a Breeder for a new line of dogs that GDF was going to work with. I asked our representative if I could raise one of the puppies and was given the affirmative. So I began planning my life towards getting a fifth guide dog puppy around late November, and sending Pompei back around that time as well.
Now this may seem like a little thing to those who are not puppy raisers. Its just a dog. Um..No. When I say I'm a volunteer I mean I pretty much center my life around this pup for the year its with me. When they are puppies we can only leave them alone for a certain amount of time, so I have to arrange for someone to check in or watch said puppy if I can't do it. Since my job doesn't allow me to have the pups at work with me, I having to make my schedule so I can have time to go home, pick up the puppy and proceed on to school.
So 75% of my life is spent wearing my puppy raiser hat. And I love it. My plan was to go ahead bring puppy number 5 into my home and after that take a break for a couple of months, just to have a little down time.
That was MY plans.
So when I heard that we welcomed 9 more future guide dog puppies into the world on 10/10/10. I was estactic! Not only would I get to follow my newest baby before he/she got here but I was FINALLY raising something without "retriever" in its name.
Apparently my name was never written down on the list for one of these special pups, thus knocking me out of the running for one.
I'd forgotten the puppy raiser motto to "write it in pencil" and had most satisfactorily written that down in ink.
::Saturday October 16, 2010::
Now that I've had time to work through my feelings, move on, face bigger more important "problems" such as my $193.50 charge for those registration tickets, and having the money for that....I've come to realize this is a little deeper then just not getting a GSD pup. Its more about loosing Pompei.
Pompei is special. This is another one of those "you've got to be a PR to know what i'm talking about moments" but I'll try to explain.
With the high volume of dogs going through my home, you don't BOND with every dog. There are some dogs you just live with. Out of 12 trainee's only four would I have kept as a long term pet..had I been given the option. The fourth of that group being Pompei.
I think I was hoping by getting a GSD that it wouldn't feel like I was replacing Pompei's presence in my house. This next puppy has some high standards to live up to, and I guess I didn't want just ANY puppy that was available. I can understand a little better why people don't get new dogs soon after their previous one passes.
Now that I've had time to work through my emotions and adjust my thinking, I'll most likely wait and see what I feel closer to Pompei's IFT. I've never been through a semester dog-less. I've never been without a service dog pup for more than a month in the last five years.
I don't know if could take a break now, even if I wanted to.
We.Shall.See.
Until another thought strikes me,
