Emotions

I need to get an air-purifier in my house sometime soon, or I might succumb to the mold growing in my closet. 

I can feel it trying to work its way down my throat. Or perhaps that is the sore throat I feel coming in, bequeathed to me by one Lauren. 

Week 3 is going to start with a crawl. This I know by the fact that its 12:18AM and here I sit vigorously typing this post. My brain feels so full that I feel I might hurt someone if I got out with all of this still up here. 

I’ve subjected my friends and family to the same old tales over and over, so I feel as if its time to hit you guys up with it. 

The fact of the matter is, despite the new job … I’m lonely. 

Words I’d never thought I’d write. 

You see, as the oldest of six children I was constantly surrounded by people. Morning,noon and night, so when I moved out on my own, I loved the fact that I was by myself ish. I loved that I had an entire house to go all alone, when I was done with people. 

That’s more accurate. 

Then my family moved up the hill, and it was like being at home again but without intense nosiness. (Just a milder form of it) 

Then my friends moved into the house beside me, and it was even better, friends at a moment’s notice if you needed them.

Then I acquired a roommate … and that was an experience. 

Then my roommate moved out, and I once again had the house to myself (sigh) 

Then my parents moved far far away and that was sad, but I still had my friends … 

Then my friends moved away and I was by myself. 

*note when I say “move away” i mean across town. 5-10 minutes away. So I’m whining. Yes. 

But that was ok, because my job was taxing, and I was once again surrounded by people for nine hours a day, so coming home to an empty house was nothing short of a relief. 

But now … 

Now I work with maybe three other people. (there are more, but everyone has offices) 

The phone barely rings.

Appointments are steady but sometimes are hours before they start. 

Lunch is quiet… boring … taken in an empty break room, staring out wide windows, watching people walk by, before returning, ten-minutes early due to boredom. 

Then its time to get off of work. 

Now what. 

Obviously I need to go home and take care of my pets, but then what? I’m in such a habit to soak in every minute I have at home, that I’m loathe to change that, but what really is there to do? I just spent eight hours in front of a computer screen, do I really want to do that for another five? 

It’s either that or sleep. 

I can’t sleep. I HAVE to get up by 5:30AM. 

That will NOT happen if I sleep now. 

To be honest, there are about a bazzillion productive things I could do. 

1. Train my dogs 
2. Practice piano
3. Write
4. read
5. go to the park with dogs 
6. visit my family 
7. visit my friends
8. work out 
9. eat 
10. clean 
11. join a meetup group 

But I suppose I have let myself get in such a habit of “vegging” that despite doing ‘NOTHING’ for eight hours, the thought of doing ‘something’ is draining. 

Good Lord. 

What’s happening to me? 

OH. I know. 

Its the food I eat. 

But that’s another subject, for another long winded posts. 

There was a tip I saw once, something about if you are bored by your writing, then your readers will be too… 

Well. 

hmm.. 

I’m Sorry? 

A Post with a Point: Emotions

Disclaimer: This post has a point. Hey! Don't look so shocked! I can do it when I set my mind to it! 

It all beings with emotions:

Fickle things really, they come and go like the wind, one day you're happy, and then something happens to suck all that happiness away. I used to like to think of myself as an emotionless person, until I realized that no one is emotionless, but some just express them in different ways. 

For instance, I'm not someone to cry at the drop of a hat,I don't get visibly agitated about events that upset me, I'm not going to stomp, yell, scream and curse when I'm angry, and very few things just make me giddy with happiness. For the most part I tend to be very low key in my outward expressions of emotions,  (I like to blame my dad for this trait) but inside...I'm typically a roiling mess.

Like... Now.

Today was a very emotional day for me, Happy, Sad, Giddy, Melancholy, Upset, Stress..you name it, I felt it. 

It started out this morning, with the realization that next Sunday I would be roommate-less. 

The wave of sadness that swept over me, was startling, as it hit me this.is.our last Sunday together... 

I think it startled me mostly because I didn't realize how attached I was to C. Sure we've lived in the same house for about a year and half now, but I don't think close would be us. We're more comfortable with each other and have gotten used to the presence of another in the house...but close? Not overly. 

Didn't I expect to miss her? Sure, I guess I didn't realize how much of a role she played in my life, and I wonder if she knows how much either. 

Than as the morning progressed, we went to church, and then home I suddenly realized that I would be expecting a phone call from Pompei's (4th puppy raised for the Guide Dog Foundation) new handler. Though eager to hear about Pompei, I was attacked by nerves at the prospect of speaking to a complete stranger for any length of time. I need'nt have worried, when the trainer from the Foundation called, the conversation flowed freely. Pompei's new handler is perfect for Pompei and I couldn't have asked for a better matched. Its funny since his partner sounds identical to my own grandfather, I know I've gained another friend through this organization. He wants to keep in contact with me, which makes me so happy as that's a big worry I have when sending my pups away. I don't know if I could handle not being able to hear something about my dogs at some point. 

I ended the conversation feeling as if I could dance around the car. I cannot describe the feeling...

Knowing I was able to be a small part of increasing someone's freedom? Priceless!

I went back into the house and returned to my forgotten book, on a cloud of air. 

After the evening service was over (though equally emotional in a good way) the girls decided to have one last "hurrah" with C and descended on Sonic's for an after church treat...

Along with half of the church...who "showed up". 

I had fun, but something said so innocently stirred up a little bit of annoyance in me, that kept trying to grow, and at first I thought to confront the person about it, but quickly decided that it really wasn't worth starting an argument. 

Than add a small child into a home with 2-not-really-small-child-friendly-dogs in the house, and the day was capped off with a cup of stress and slight frustration. It is clear to me, that at least one of my dogs will have to have passed on before I have any children. And since the likely hood of that event is in the far,far,futre.. we can rest a little easier and focus on managing our lives at present. 

And on that note, I will end this day.... eagerly looking forward to what tomorrow brings...

Erin