#woeisme
Today was ... one of those days when you realize that you may not be as well liked as you think you are. Trust me I have no disillusions when it comes to people I'm aquatinted with.. I know I have a unique personality (don't we all) and sometimes it can be taken the wrong way, or get on people's nerves. (ask my siblings) however I like to think that I am a trust worthy person, who does my job and tries to be a help to those around me. Whether its pitching in to look for a missing chart, or filling in for someone to take sometime off. I genuinely don't mind. However I do mind the bitterness and the put downs.
Here's the thing I've learned over the last couple of years in life. If you want something to change, criticizing, calling names, degrading etc..etc.. won't work. In fact it seems to cement the behavior more firmly in place. I know for me personally, the more I'm put down or made to feel "not good enough" the less I feel inclined to work, and work hard. The more lax I get, because... after a while? I don't really care. I have forced myself to keep these different scriptures in mind, to help me press on and continue to work my best. I'm come to realize that while it may "feel good" to just slack off to "show them" it doesn't reflect well on me as a person, as a child of God, as a child of my family, as a member of my church as a representative of my friends...etc..etc..etc..
Today's incident, was one of those situations that, handled differently wouldn't have phased me a bit, in fact I was a little surprised at how it was handled, as I thought ... but apparently I thought wrong. The way it was handled left me feeling as if I was goofing off instead of doing a project that was assigned to me. A project I haven't been able to work on, at all, due to the short staffed'ness of the past few months.
It left me wondering, at what point do I let things go, and at what point do I stand up and say "Hey this isn't right!"
I have another aquaintence who tends to talk down and treat me as if I'm dumb, then turn around and be incredibly nice to me, and I'm in the same quandary with that individual.
Am I allowed people to door mat me, or am I just reflecting Christ.. ? It's a very thin and difficult line to find. I don't like causing conflict when it comes to me and how I feel. It's not that I don't feel like my feelings are worth anything, I just hate the vulnerableness of saying pulling a person aside and saying 'that didn't feel good'. I have a tendencey to cry during conversations like this, which makes everything worse as I despise the tears for making me seem weak and thin skinned.
Today I .....
- Tried broiling steak in the oven (again) this time i brushed it with canola oil before broiling. Figured out six minutes per side is too long in my oven. Slightly tough, but not bad.
- Framed a clock over my bed.
- Left the puppies crated outside on the porch for a couple of hours. Was relieved they were still there when I got back.
- Talked to the neighbor who foisted Zipper off on me so many years ago. Still makes me shudder
- Exclaimed in surprise as the puppies actually laid down and slept for a few minutes all on their own. Who knew this was possible!
- Starting reading "If the Shoe Fits" by Sandra D. brinker
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