November 12th

When I walked out of the city court building, a few weeks ago, debt free...I tried with all my might not to let the thought..."Ok what NOW" cross my mind. Yet I couldn't shake that nagging feeling something else was going to happen. But I couldn't imagine what. 


I discovered "what" on Wednesday morning of last week, and it turned my life upside down. I think there is a good reason that God doesn't show us the future sometimes,and I know He's been seriously helping me through this extremely trying period of my life. But its still so so hard. 


I've never felt more alone in my life, I've been STRUGGLING to find the good in life good in this situation. Not really because I think this particular situations is "for my good"..but more one of those.. "That's LIfe" things. Finding the good in other situations has been easy, but this one...I have to stop, think, search for it, and then hold onto that little shred of hope with all my might.  Thankfully I have a little shred. However, I haven't had more than four hours of sleep in about a week and a half. The fact that I know what day it is, is big. 


What doesn't kill me will make me stronger. 


Though I'm not too sure this won't kill me. Mentally. Emotionally at least. 


Ugh I hate posting downer posts. 


There was one bright spot to this day. My new flash arrived! Just in time for my job assignment tomorrow! I can't wait to get out and play with it. *happy dance* 

Via